So I am going along having a perfectly normal week – doing the charts - being the astrologer, when I enter a person’s birth data into my trusty computer and it comes up showing that they have PISCES RISING. Oh, this is never good. Who forces poor Pisces to be a rising sign in a person’s chart? It just seems so mean.
Pisces embodies the energy of what Jung called the collective unconscious. Pisces is the great spiritual ocean of energy from which all emerges. It is all about spirituality, brotherhood and union with the god source. To put it in charge of the ascendant, the rising sign which is a person’s projected persona – how they interact with the physical world -- is just mean. Pisces doesn’t want to face the cruel realities of life on Earth any more than Dick Cheney wants to face cruel reality of what he did to this country for eight years. But I digress.
I can just see it now. Pisces gets the call that she once again is on the rotation to be a rising sign. “Oh no not again. I hate it there. Put me on the 12th house – come on, twelfth house, first house, they are right next to each other. I like the twelfth house. I am happy there... please. No? Dang. Now what do I do?”
Looking to her right, Pisces sees a warrior in a suit of armor cleaning his guns. “Psst Aries, hey Aries. Are you listening? Aries, switch with me. I have to be on this kid’s first house – that is your house. It is a natural for you. I will work my connections so you don’t have a lot of aspects getting in your way, you can get out there and make this kid a dynamo.”
“Yeah but what is in it for me?”
“The satisfaction of doing good and helping a neighbor. Aries pauses for a moment trying to absorb that concept, gives up and goes back to his guns.
“Pisces, stop wimping out. Do your duty. In the name of Mars, Man up.”
“But I am a feminine sign.”
“You never heard of Margaret Thatcher? Besides, I have better things to do. I am the first of the Cardinal and first of the fire signs. I am off to blaze a new trail. Go bother Taurus she never leaves the field but she might do you a favor she is a pretty good egg and far less selfish than I.”
“Hey Taurus. Oh you lovely bull sitting in your pretty pasture. Taurus, can you do me a favor? Taurus. Do you hear me? I am talking to you Taurus.”
Taurus slowly flips her tail at an annoying bee disturbing her sleep. “Is someone calling me? Oh isn’t the sky pretty today?”
“It is me, Pisces. You know who wants to put me on some kid’s first house again. I will just mess it up – making them all confused and overwhelmed with the complexities of life. You don’t seem to be doing anything, how about helping me out?”
“Not doing anything? I am enjoying the beauty that is all around my comfortable pasture. Oh it is time for another nap.”
“Taurus, Taur….argh” Pisces wanders away from the pasture and is immediately distracted by a whirlwind of activity. Being distracted is easy for Pisces and it takes a few minutes to figure out what is in front of her. “Oh it’s Gemini, my fellow sign of duality, Gemini. How about doing me a little tiny favor?
“What? No wait I am not talking to you.” Gemini grabs his blackberry and starts texting madly while switching to the phone on his other ear. “Yes, yes of course I am listening.” With his big toe Gemini taps out another message on his computer and with a free hand grabs for his I Pad. Pisces tries to get a word in but becomes momentarily mesmerized and then horrified by Gemini’s ability to carry on a third conversation now with the use of his Bluetooth and dashes away seeking comfort.
“Cancer, oh sorry I will use your more politically correct name, Moon Child. How good to see you and oh I smell banana bread and can I climb up on the big overstuffed chair? Yes, I would love a cup of chamomile tea, thank you. Your place is always so calming and boy do I need it. Oh, you already heard? Gemini told you what I needed? But how did he …..I know, I know, he grabs the thoughts right out of your head! Will you help me out?”
Moon Child spreads a comforter over Pisces tired shoulders. “Well now dear I would love to help you out but part of mothering and nurturing is forcing your children to face life’s responsibilities.”
“But that is just it. I don’t like life’s responsibilities. They make me so tired I just want to jump back into the ocean of unconsciousness where I can float along in peace and contemplate gods and goddesses and the universe and all of those big nebulous issues. I am a fish – life on Earth isn’t natural to me.”
“I am sorry dear but you will have to do this on your own. You will thank me some day. Have a nice healthy meal and a long rest before you continue. What is your favorite lullaby?”
The next morning Pisces sadly leaves Moon Child and swims off in the direction of Leo. “This will never work,” she muttered to herself. However, she is desperate and braces herself for the bright sunlight that always shines on Leo the Lion. “Ah, Leo, I mean your majesty, your royaltyness – your holiness. Um Leo, can you please, can I beg you to ….I need a favor of your royal selfness.”
“Is there someone there? Ah my good fish, can that you fetch that mirror in the corner?”
“Ah Ok but you have 12 surrounding you now.”
“Yes, what a paltry sum! No, not that one – the big one with the lights. It is so dark in here.”
Pisces drags over the 12 foot mirror as she tries to not be blinded by the lights shining on the Lion. “Your royalty I need a favor please, a small one indeed for such a wondrous being.”
“I think I am getting a wrinkle. No!”
“Um, hi I am over here. Remember me? Pisces. Can you please do one little….”
“That hair is 1000 of a centimeter out of place. I knew it!”
The light is giving Pisces a terrific headache and Leo is now rifling through his collection of hair brushes oblivious to any other living creature in the area, so Pisces moves on, her tail becoming lower in the process.
“STOP. Your fins are dirty.”
“Hi Virgo. No, I took a long bubble bath at Moon Child’s.”
“The moment that you step out of the tub your fins get dirty. Everything gets dirty. Everything is always out of place. Order. Why can’t people keep things in order? What do you want Pisces? I have to organize stacks of paper and make a plan for my spring planting.”
“Virgo, you are so perfect to be a rising sign. Someone with you there will be efficient and effective and do all of those things Earth people need to do. You make sure they eat right and take care of themselves.”
“Well, yes I guess I am. OK I think I have a small opening in my calendar for next November.”
“No, I am up really soon. Can’t you squeeze me in? You can handle one more little detail.”
“That will throw off everything. I will have redo my ten year calendar, and that will force me to finish my taxes at 11:59 PM on January 1 not 11:00 PM as is my norm. No, no that is too disorganized for me. And then my spring planting which must take place at noon on May 15 would be kicked to three or four – oh no oh no…..”
“OK Ok, fine, don’t get yourself in a tizzy, really.”
Pisces is starting to swim in circles now. She does that when she gets overwhelmed. The only thing that pulls her out of her vortex is what looks like a shiny teeter tooter in the distance. “Bounce, bounce, up and down I bounce, bounce I love to bounce back and forth.”
“Libra, it has been so long, how are you?”
“Bounce…bounce….OH Pisces is that you? I am still swinging back and forth on my scales, weighing every issue seeing every side and always trying to bring those sides into harmony. It is a tough job but it is fun – especially for an Air sign – up and down bounce, bounce.”
“I need this favor….”
“Favor? Oh yes, I love to help people – do you need reconciliation with your spouse?”
“Oh do you need me to work out a problem with your business partner?”
“Whatever it is I have to help. I love to help…bounce…..bounce. Helping people is my thing. Because if I help then people like me, and people have to like me. I love, love to be liked. Approval is my thing….bounce….bounce.”
“Good then can you take over as a rising sign. You will give that person Venus beauty and a love for all things pretty.”
“Yes but that will take me away from my ….bounce….bounce…..bounce – scales….and I can’t leave them – bounce….bounce…bounce. Oh dear now you are going to hate me…bounce... bounce……..please don’t hate me – I hate when people hate me. Let me fix….bounce…..bounce….bounce…something anything for you. Please……bounce...”
Pisces is getting desperate. She has just a few more signs to go but even she, the fish, is getting seasick here. It is this fear that gives her the courage to visit her fellow water sign, Scorpio, in her deep, exotic cave. Pisces likes being back in the water but can’t figure out how Scorpio can stand all of this darkness.
“Shut the door, you are letting the light in!” The voice is sultry and deep.
“I am? Ouch.”
“Be careful can’t you see my antique ottoman?”
“As a matter of fact…..”
“What can I do for you Pisces?”
“Well I need someone to take my place as a rising sign. You represent water better than anyone and you will give the kid intensity, inquisitiveness and a sexual passion that would serve them well.”
“Yes, that is a given of course but I am just about to solve a mystery that I have been working on for years and then I have to finish watching the Sherlock Holmes marathon on PBS while I ‘entertain’ some gentlemen callers.”
“But hey water sign – to water sign. I will discuss of mysteries of the universe with you for hours if you will just do me this favor.”
“My fixed mind is made up! NO. Besides you discuss mysteries while I solve them.”
“NO. Shut the door tightly on the way out. I see a crack of light.”
Pisces is at the edge of her rope. “I hate all of this conniving. I just want to go swim in the cosmic soup – I am part of the cosmic soup – I am the cosmic soup for goodness sakes. Why do I have to come down to Earth? I am so tired. I am so confused - I am so torn in so many directions.”
“Oh Lord Neptune what now?”
“It is I, Sagittarius out shooting my arrow at truth, justice and the universal way.”
“Okey dokey. Um hey Sag. How about running this up the shaft, can you take over as a rising sign for me? You will bring compassion and justice and honesty to the kid and I have to admit I do love your ability to root out BS at one hundred yards.”
“Yes I would and you know I never lie. I always speak the truth. I seek the truth and speak the truth. But I am far too busy to be tied down to a rising sign right now. I have to explore all the various cultures and religions and find my own set of beliefs.”
“Can you multitask it? Gemini is a pro at that.”
“Gemini, air sign – pfffh. I am Fire, I have a duty, and I must search and learn.”
“Hey, watch where you shoot that arrow! And you are a wishy mutable sign like me – you can change your mind. Come on.”
Sagittarius is already racing away. “Sorry. I have yet to see Eastern Bezerkistan. I have to see every corner of the Earth. Maybe when I get back. Look me up before I am off to Guam in the fall. Come splunking with me one day!”
Pisces sees a tall mountain in front of her. Mountains and fish don’t get along – (another thing she hates about Earth.) However, she realizes she has just two shots left to find a replacement so up she goes into the high abode of Capricorn the shore footed Goat. This really grinds Pisces because in reality Capricorn is a Sea Goat…so what the heck is she doing hiding out in the mountains playing the role society expects of her? Another reason Pisces hates being on Earth.
“Ouch” – walking on these rocky roads is not on Pisces list of fun things to do.
“I am late.”
“Excuse me, Capricorn?”
“I am always late. We are always late. Nothing and no one is ever on time.”
“Time is a ridiculous construct. Where I live there is no time.”
“No time! What holds you together? What gives your existence form and structure?”
“Nothing. It is the great cosmic ocean of awareness.”
“Sounds dreadful. What can I do you Pisces? I have a stack of papers to grade and a thousand time sheets to correct.”
“Yes, I know Capricorn you have a lot of work to do keeping societies structures in place but I need a favor. You are so good at keeping people’s nose to the grindstone; at making them do what they need to succeed in life…you should be like the universal rising sign for everyone.”
“Yes, it would be a much more structured world and I would excel at it. After all I do excel in excelling but I have no time. I am late.”
“Time is useless.”
“Try it without time for once.”
“Be gone with you heretic!” With that the goat stomps her hoof and the fish is tossed off the mountain onto a passing cloud.
“This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius…Age of….” The music is deafening and as her head clears she sees a tall bearded man, with long flowing hair and a longer robe dancing around a large jug of water.
“Aquarius, how are you?”
“Pisces Que Pasa?”
“Oh it is a long story. Hey Aquarius, answer me something, how can you be the water bearer and an air sign at the same time? “
“Don’t get hung up with definitions. I am what I am – I am new I am different. I am the rebel - the revolutionary who turns your world upside down in a minute. There is nothing normal about me.”
“You know it really isn’t the Age of Aquarius.”
“Yeah but the royalties got me this great cloud where I can play with my cool electronic games, and contemplate all the ways I can influence the future.
“Place looks small.”
“Who needs riches dudette? I took most of the money and set up a universal homeless shelter. It is all about compassion for the downtrodden.” So how it is hanging, fishie? You look a little beat up yourself.”
“Not well, I need someone to be a rising sign and with your compassion and quick mind you will make a contribution to a person.’
“Oh sorry no can do Mi Amiga. I am working with that Apple fellow to come up a computer the size of a pea that will have every app. any human could need. The hard part is making him promise to give all the proceeds to orphanages. How about a cocktail – organic of course?”
As much as Pisces loves alcohol (and I do mean loves) she has had it. Pisces is resigned – a normal state for her– and trudges off to be the rising sign. “OK but I am going to screw it up. This kid is going to be confused and distracted, overwhelmed and just wondering what the heck she is doing here on Earth for most of her life. And I will have to fight not to make her susceptible to drugs, alcohol and gambling. But hey I tried, I never succeed but I try.” With that Pisces sat down dejected and sad, dreaming of the day she can once again return to her cosmic ocean of peace.