Thursday, June 24, 2010


Ok so I heard from some of my Pisces rising friends when I detailed the saga of poor Pisces being stuck on the first house. Whine Whine Whine J So I will now show you that every sign has a house which makes it feel less than comfortable if you will. Today I will risk the wrath of Mars and explore what happens to Aries when it is placed in the house of OOKEY SPOOKY…. The house in which Pisces feels totally at home I might add…. That is, the 12th house.

“What?” (Thunder clapping in the background.) “Twelfth house again? I WON”T. I hate it. No way. I hate all that karmic crap all that touchy feely connection to past lives and connecting to the god source baloney. NO NO NO NO - hear me NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” “Oh, you ARE the god source? Oh, I didn’t mean baloney - you know when I get mad… I sometimes…..OK OK don’t get all huffy, already.”

Aries stomps off. There has to be a way out of this. After all, Aries is the warrior, a cardinal leadership sign. It can change and shape things to it’s will. Yeah, I will get someone else to do this. What better mark than Pisces. He looks to his right and sees Pisces happily communing with the universe in the 12th house.

“Oh Pisces my fishy friend. How are you today?” His voice is dripping with just enough untypical honey that Pisces incredible intuition kicks in. “Ah, fine Aries - fine. It is a beautiful day in the cosmos but what do you want.”

Aries is taken aback. Pisces isn’t quite the pushover she seems. Darn. “Oh nothing. Just a teeny weenie favor. You love being here in the 12th house and I just don’t get it. You know the compassion, the peace the joy of all as one - I gotta move, I gotta conquer I have to butt my ram head against great obstacles. Can you please - because you are such a compassionate creature - take my turn on the 12th house? Pretty please with butter?”

Pisces rolls her tail. Oh come on. “Thank you for the compliment but you know the 12th house with all that karmic connection might just be good for you. Actions have results - and you need to slow down and see your results once in awhile.”

Slow down? Slow down? This fish is bonkers. However, Pisces is starring right into Aries soul with her deep, penetrating eyes with such intensity that the warrior loses his nerve for a second. Recovering he huffs, “I have no time for THIS. I have things to do.” Pisces smiles peacefully knowing the lesson will be learned someday and swims off.

“Ouch, who the he….”

“Sorry Aries.” It is Sagittarius quickly pulling his arrow out of Aries back side. “ I just got a new quiver and oh geez that is going to leave a mark.”

“Think nothing of it friend,” grumbles Aries through clenched teeth. “But quid pro quo perhaps you can pay for pain with a little favor.”

“Sure I am all about universal justice and understanding.”

“Great, then take my turn on the twelfth house.”



“Ok sure but I promised the Unbonko people that I would sit in on a native tribal ceremony of unity and peace and well I guess I could be late. Hey, why don’t you come with me? It is a wonderful ceremony where everyone sits around and talks about how to bring justice and truth to the world in their every day actions and then there is dancing and then we eat native meals and then.”

“STOP - please you can’t be serious!”

Sag looks blankly at Aries who is pretty much jumped out of his armor at this point.

“You hurt me with your flipping arrow - you owe me now do it.”

“Oh now Aries I do appreciate you speaking the truth because I love truth - I am truth - truth is king tome -0 next to brotherhood…although it is a toss up brother hood - truth - truth brotherhood…..”

“Forget it. Not worth it!” Aries stomps off.

“Don’t even think about it ram!” Aries hasn’t even gotten to the front door of Scorpio’s dark, watery home yet.


“You heard me. With my fantastic ability to cut through the crap I know exactly what kind of trick you are trying to pull so vamoose..”

Now that is spooky. Scorp is usually freaky but this time she beat even her record at perception. Aries walks off but keeps looking over his shoulder in fear and amazement.

“Oh Libra Libra Libra…my friend the balancing scales.” How are you? Eek, how do you stay on top this large medicine ball all day?”

“It improves my balance and balance is what I seek all the time. I bring people together, I see both sides of their issues ….”

“Issues, issues yes issues - I have one. I need someone to take my spot on the twelfth house and you can help lead people to examine their connection to the universe and balance their beliefs. A natural - I say a total natural at the job.” (This diplomacy makes Aries a little nauseous or maybe it is just the balancing on this stupid ball. Whatever, he has to close the deal on make another conquest…fast.)

“Well yes I would be good - I never know…but if you say I am good well then I must be. I always take the other person’s word for things. I always see myself through others.”

“Yeah it is call co-dependent city.”

Aries went to far. Libra’s eyes fill with tears. “I don’t mean too. I just always think of the other… Is that so bad? “ Aries tries to make the situation right but Libra is so upset he falls off and breaks his arm.

“Darn now you won’t be able to do this for me… I mean, oh you are hurt - poor thing.”

“That is ok, I will get friends to help me - friendship is so important. It makes us see other’s issues and balance them against our own feelings. It is all about the other…”

Libra is still babbling as he is being carted off. Aries is getting desperate and bored. No one has a shorter attention span or faster temper. The other signs are too powerful to conquer - Aries favorite way of doing things and this diplomacy is wearing him down. He walks into a huge garden in search of Earthy Virgo. She is fixing an organic poultice for Libra.

“Did you hear about poor Libra. Some fool knocked her off his scales. Who would do such a thing.”

Aries looks wide eyed an innocent. He can do it with some effort.

“Good thing I have worked all morning in the garden and I have several herbs ready that will heal him. They have to be applied quickly so have to dash off. Sorry Aries, but can we talk later? Come back around 3 and I will have organic breads and teas ready for us and we can have a nice long chant. That is until I have to organize the house again.”

“Um Ok I will try to do that - sounds grand. Yikes what is that?” Few things frighten Aries - well actually Aries doesn’t let on that anything scares him but being the baby of the zodiac he is frighten a lot and just uses his bluster to cover it. But the roar of Leo the Lion sends shivers into his military boots.

“Who dares approach the king of the jungle!”

“It is just me Leo - nice land you have hear.”

“Of course.” That is right - flattery gets you everywhere with Leo.

“Oh mighty and glorious one. Lovely hair day you are having.”

“I always do silly boy.”

“Yes of course. Oh royal one - might I ask a teeny favor of you?”

“Yeah right.”

“Well, I need someone to take over my twelfth house spot and you your royal one - will shine a light so brightly on the universe that the person will have no choice but to see how it is one with Man.”

“Of course I will. But it is not my turn and I never do anything I don’t have to. So be gone.”


“I said BEGONE.” Leo knows Aries is all armor little guts really and the roaring routine will work like a charm.

Aries heart is sinking and his mood doesn’t brighten when he reaches Cancers door. The door is normally hard to open because Cancer the crab retreats so deeply into her shell but today it is swung wide and Cancer is swimming out her arms full of baked goods and blankets.

“Did you hear did you heat?” Cancers home made bonnet is slipping she is in such a hurry. “Libra has broken her arm. I have to apply all my motherly qualities , all my nurturing and caring to get him better. Oh dear and so close to the 4th of July - you know how patriotic I am - oh and I love a parade. How can I get this done and make all my peach pies in time? Well. It will have to be done. Aries perhaps you can help me out and use your sword to cut up the peaches.”

“MY sword full of peach crap - are you out of your &&&*W** mind?” But Cancer is too far gone to hear the ranting.

“WHOA slow down with those words, Aries.” It is Gemini, the twins, the sign of duality, quickness of though and communications. “I am a wordsmith but some of those are a bit much. What is it with that temper guy?”

“OH sorry Gemini but I am having the worst freaking day.”

“YOU? I had to listen to a two hour speech by Sarah Palin.” Sitting for two hours is hard enough but what that woman does to a sentence shouldn’t happen to a buzzard. Oye. “

“Ok well if you go an take my turn on the twelfth you can have some karmic peace for a while it will help you recover.”

“No sorry twelfth house is too stable for me - I have just been sitting for 2 hours! I have to move, move, move - BYE.”

He has one chance left- Taurus the Bull. Nothing moves Taurus if Taurus doesn’t want to be moved.”

“Yes I have heard. Gemini is such a loud lout he woke me from my nap.”

“Then you will do it.. You can sleep in the peace of the cosmos on the twelfth.”

“Yes but I will have to move to get there. And I just started a new painting with my tail and ….”

“Forget it! I can’t stand it anymore. Nothing can be worse than trying to reason with you boobs. I have had it! “””

And so Aries stomped off to be on the twelfth house of some soul just being born and made darn sure they came face to face with their spiritual questions and destiny or else!

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Karmic Astrology by Joan's Fan Box